The Mathematician

He spoke in numbers, I spoke in words. Our thoughts were quite the same, however. We wandered the galaxy on a journey of thought. We weren’t interested in discovering any answers. We found pleasure in the idea that there wasn’t just one solution, but rather an infinite amount of possible anecdotes. We laid in a pool of our thoughts and emotions, spilling love from our bleeding hearts. And when our blood mixed we felt each other’s sorrows and joys.

His soul was genuine, honest. I want to say that the world needed more people like him, and it’s true. I think the world would be a much better place if there were as many kind hearted people like him, but I could never actually wish it. I’m too selfish. I wouldn’t want anyone else to be able to experience what it sounds like when he laughs at something completely ridiculous. Or feel the warm sensation of comfort and safety when he wraps his arms around you at night.

When we first started talking, I wanted to tell him that I loved him. Not because I did love him, but because I wanted to love him. He made me feel like a child, I was constantly learning from him.

When I slept beside him I dreamed of scientific and mathematical equations. But they weren’t actually dreams, it was more so just the equations running through my mind, subconsciously. Every time I woke up, I felt a little bit smarter.

This is what it’s like to have a conversation with him:

1. Logic

2. Imagination

3. The torture of never knowing what order they go in.

I would ask why I couldn’t live on a star, he would tell me that it is a scientific impossibility. Naturally, I would think of something clever to throw back.

– what if they launched my body into space, post mortem, and I landed on a star?

– what if my body could withstand the heat and gasses due to a molecular deformity I inherited as a child?

(Both implausible, but not impossible.)

 

But his logic didn’t dull the colors that ran through his mind.

I admired the fact that he always had a goal. Always wanted to achieve the next thing that would enhance his human experience, as well as the human experience for others. My favorite one of his goals is the exact reason why the world needs more of him: To make the world the best it can be before he’s gone.

Like I said, I’m selfish.

But I don’t think the logical solution is to extract his DNA and clone him, because who would even know if the clones would think the same way as him. If more people had the motivation and spirit that radiated through his bones, a substantial difference would be observable in the world.

And maybe there isn’t a logical solution at all, maybe people need to come down from their high horses and start doing things for the greater good.

That’s the most important thing that I have learned from him, to do things for the greater good. Because it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, you need to take care of yourself first… But it’s not okay to sit back and become upset about things when you did nothing to address them. You can be upset when you have done everything in your power to try and change a situation, and make the best of it. But it’s not okay to watch these things happen and blame everyone else for causing you to be upset when you could be doing something to improve it.

There are things far beyond the comprehension of my feeble mind, and maybe one of them was why God brought me straight to my person, especially when I wasn’t even looking for him.

Well, not my person. He isn’t mine. He isn’t anyone’s. Maybe that is why something that I was sure was in the grasp of my palm now slips elusively through my fingertips.

Perhaps we aren’t meant to cling to people, because we become too attached, because we become too dependent on them for our happiness. And he makes me happy, oh so happy. I don’t ever want that to end up ruining me.

But, as I said before, we are on an adventure. And I suppose you can’t call it an adventure if you don’t take any risks.