E U P H O R I A

I wish my brain were bigger so I could describe the intense feeling of euphoric freedom that I am experiencing right now. 

Running down the beach in the dark on the matte, damp sand and breathing in the salty air. Inhaling. Exhaling. With every breath I feel more and and more free. Then I am running. Faster and faster because why not? I am alive. Nothing can stop me. 

I come up to my friends and we sit in the ocean. My knees are bent up to my chest and the ocean water is just high enough to reach the small of my back. I feel the waves give me a small push and then the salty taste of the sea in my mouth.  I feel the chilly wind against my skin in the pale moon light. 

We look up to the sky and see millions of stars. The crescent moon winks at me as if she knows how envious I am. She is in the velvet sky and I’m grounded here on earth. She lights a small stream in the navy ripples. The sound of the waves fighting their way to shore echo in my ears. If you listen close enough you can hear the heart beat of the sea.

I have never felt happier. I have never felt more free. No age, no tragedy, no person could ever take this euphoria away from me. 

Excerpt from a book I may never write #2

A small stream of moonlight is shining through the window, every once in a while a car will pass by casting a brief fleeting light on the ceiling as though it’s only job is to distract me from sleep. God only knows where they could be going at 3:26 in the morning. The room was so quiet and dark, the complete opposite of my mind at the moment.

I roll over to see his perfectly still face slightly illuminated as he sleeps in peace. I fight back every urge to wake him up, talk to him, see what crosses his mind at this hour of the night. There is something so beautiful about him in this vulnerable state, not even the scars of his harsh past could change the innocence that rests over his body.

I listen to the tide of his breaths roll in and out like waves on the sand. It gives me comfort to hear him breathing, knowing that right now, in this moment, nothing could take him away from me. It didn’t matter to me that he was asleep, or that he wasn’t even really aware that I was thinking all of these things, just the fact that he was alive was enough.

Maybe that’s what love is all about, just being happy that the other person is living.

Despite all of my efforts to not wake him, I catch myself running my fingers through the soft mess pushed off of his forehead. His eyes gracefully blink open and a tiny smile slips from his mouth. Softer than the dying embers of a fire he whispered, “I love you”.

It was in that moment that we were unbreakable. Something moved us, moved between us, I don’t know, but whatever it was, was thrilling in so many ways. I leaned in to kiss his forehead and said, “I love you too”. With one more twirl of my fingers in his hair, I closed my eyes and went to bed the happiest that I had been in months.

Excerpt from a Book I may Never Write

Something about him changed me in a way that I would never be able to understand. There was something so beautiful about the destruction he put into my life, I could see perfectly golden dandelions being pulled from the garden. However, in seeing my sadness he reminded me that after all, dandelions are weeds. It wasn’t long after all the dandelions were gone that the flowers began to flourish.

There were more phases to him than there were to the moon, maybe that’s what I loved so much about him. There was always something new, something for me to learn from, but that also meant that there were nights without him lighting up my night sky. I didn’t have trouble depending on the stars to give me light, but that couldn’t make the feeling of being incomplete go away.

Nevertheless, he always returned, bright and shining as ever. Whether he realized it or not, my heart was under his control and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. That’s the thing about being gone with the wind, you still have to go which ever way the wind blows. I thought myself blessed though to have him be the wind I was lost within. We helped each other find pieces of ourselves that we didn’t even know were missing. Maybe that’s what soulmates do, help you find pieces of yourself that you didn’t know you had. He filled the cracks in my soul with his and I did the same.

It still confuses me as to how we can be polar opposites, yet precisely the same. Love works in mysterious ways, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a slave to the unseen works.

A part of me will forever be his regardless of what happens between us. I’ve heard before that sometimes we meet our soulmates, but they aren’t always the ones who we spend the rest of our lives with. But to spend all of my nights without the moon seems absolutely horrifying… I guess I’ve got some work to do.

Excerpt from a Book I may Never Write

Something about him changed me in a way that I would never be able to understand. There was something so beautiful about the destruction he put into my life, I could see perfectly golden dandelions being pulled from the garden. However, in seeing my sadness he reminded me that after all, dandelions are weeds. It wasn’t long after all the dandelions were gone that the flowers began to flourish.

There were more phases to him than there were to the moon, maybe that’s what I loved so much about him. There was always something new, something for me to learn from, but that also meant that there were nights without him lighting up my night sky. I didn’t have trouble depending on the stars to give me light, but that couldn’t make the feeling of being incomplete go away.

Nevertheless, he always returned, bright and shining as ever. Whether he realized it or not, my heart was under his control and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. That’s the thing about being gone with the wind, you still have to go which ever way the wind blows. I thought myself blessed though to have him be the wind I was lost within. We helped each other find pieces of ourselves that we didn’t even know were missing. Maybe that’s what soulmates do, help you find pieces of yourself that you didn’t know you had. He filled the cracks in my soul with his and I did the same.

It still confuses me as to how we can be polar opposites, yet precisely the same. Love works in mysterious ways, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a slave to the unseen works.

A part of me will forever be his regardless of what happens between us. I’ve heard before that sometimes we meet our soulmates, but they aren’t always the ones who we spend the rest of our lives with. But to spend all of my nights without the moon seems absolutely horrifying… I guess I’ve got some work to do.

Habits Part One

As a member of the human race, I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Some being more controversial than others, but in this case I am talking about social matters.

I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around why it is okay for people to make other people feel like shit. We are so disrespectful to each other nowadays it makes me absolutely sick. We call each other out, call each other names, and bash on people for every decision they make. I find myself constantly choosing sides and rationalizing with why it’s okay for people to throw hate. I find it extremely difficult to watch my peers criticize one another because let’s be real, we all have dirt on us. My dirt may be different than your dirt, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is still messy and you know what? RUBBING DIRT WITH MORE DIRT AIN’T GON MAKE THE DAMN MESS CLEAN.

It breaks my heart that everyone searches for flaws. You fail to see the good things that people are capable of creating. God did not make us with the intent of having us be the judge (Not trying to get all religious), he is perfectly capable of it himself.

THREE HABITS THAT WE ALL NEED TO BREAK:
1) Doing things PURELY for approval
2) Bashing on others for how they choose to express themselves
3) Picking out flaws

I am guilty of all three, and I will stand up and admit to it, but it gives me chills to think about how amazing this society could be if we were all just a little more open minded and broke those three habits.

Just a thought.