So I listened to this song on repeat and it just makes me so unbelievably emotional.
There has always been a door in my life that has been shut, and I always knew where it went. It went away, far away. Now it’s opening and I’m ready to see what’s in the other side.
We graduate in a little over a week which is probably going to be one of the most bittersweet moments of our lives. I’m so ready to be done with the meaningless bullshit and unnecessary drama, but my classmates are literally my family. I’ve seen most of them five days a week, nine months a year, for thirteen years. I’m not sure I’m ready to only see some of them on breaks and reunions. I know that you will “make time for the people you really want to see”, but goddamn we are all so busy. I can’t always help it if I don’t see the people I want to see. I’m just really going to miss seeing all of their faces in the hall and hearing all of their laughs at the T or wherever. I’m going to miss fucking around in gym class and all of the shennanegins we’ve done these past four years.
As much as I’m going to love my freedom, I will miss my parents telling me what time to be home and getting a lecture for being late too many times, I will miss late night drives around the 3-1-9 and the eternal flame, through Czech Village, and out on the back roads that nobody knows.
I will miss saying “I love you” every night to the mother and father that have given me nothing less than everything tha I’ve ever wanted since before I even knew what it meant to appreciate it.
I will miss getting ready with my friends for a night out. Late night back rubs and deep talks. Laying on roofs and watching the stars. Planning secret road trips to fuel my teen angst and rebellion.
How do I say thank you to my city for raising me in a safe place and always letting me call it home? How do I say thank you to my parents for the life that they’ve given me and for all of the things they’ve sacrificed to make me happy? How do I say sorry for all of the times when I’ve been selfish or ungrateful?
How do I tell my friends the impact they’ve made in my life, how do I say thank you for giving me memories to last a lifetime? How am I supposed to say goodbye to people that I spend majority of my time with?
I’m afraid that I will never be able to show everyone how much they mean to me and how thankful I am for the good things and the bad things because it has showed me the way that I want to live my life and how to make myself into the person I so desperately want to become.
I don’t want to forget, I don’t want to run through that door so fast that I forget where I was going when I started.
I don’t want to go, but it’s time to leave.
I can see the open door, telling me to go. There is so much more out there for me to explore and I know that I wasn’t made to stay put, nobody is.
I guess the part that gives me hope is that there will always be that open door, that holds home just in the other side.
Home isn’t always a place, yes my home will always be this house in this town. But I also will find home in the familiar voices and the way they call my name and bring me back to this simple time. Home will be the memories that have filled these past thirtteen years with joy and laughter. Home will be that light in the window always waiting to welcome me home when I go back through that open door.
Off of the Deep End 